You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
