We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
