im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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