she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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