you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
