They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
