Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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