All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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