the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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