I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
