Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Couch. On fire.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
