I looked at my own cervix.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
