If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
