he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
