the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
