You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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