sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
