My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
