Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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