I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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