If i come over, it means nothing
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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