Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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