you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
