i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
