Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
