K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
