I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
