We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
