Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
