I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
