Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
