Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
