Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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