You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize