I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my poor anus
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
