I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
