Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize