seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
