my phone needs a breathalizer
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
