why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
