Yo dont text me then not text me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
