I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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