If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
