I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
