if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
