HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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