My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
