Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
