he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
