omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
