im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
