there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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