Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
