Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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