I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
