She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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