I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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