operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
