I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
