im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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