On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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