I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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