I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
