weddingsv make me drug and hornr
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
