You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize