She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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