She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
