Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
