C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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