i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
