It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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