What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
