People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
