my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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