3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
