you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
