I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
