Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
