I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
