i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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