shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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